Relationships – I AM WITH YOU

There had been many instances in my life where I felt insecure. I want to share how God has helped me come to my senses—like literally, to make me understand and change my perspective on how I see myself.

I was an NBSB or No Boyfriend Since Birth for more than twenty years. Throughout those years, I thought to myself, “what is wrong with me?” I ask myself and my friends, “Am I ugly? Am I not pretty enough to attract a guy?” What was more frustrating to me was when my friends and other people tell me these cliché lines:

“You are pretty, but why is it that you’re still single?”
“Maybe you are very picky?”
“You look so stern. Maybe they are intimidated by you. You have to smile always.”
“Maybe your standards are too high.” 
“You look okay, you’re beautiful but why you’re still single, even those who are not that good-looking have boyfriends, why is it that you didn’t have?”

I understand that some of them were just curious. However, their comments add up to my insecurity and wonderment about not having a romantic relationship. Mostly I replied to those who asked me, “Maybe it is not yet time; it could be that they find me intimidating, for which reason I have no idea.”

I was insecure about my appearance. Maybe I was not good enough. Sometimes, I ask my closest friends what could be wrong with me? I also ask God, “What’s wrong with me, Lord? What do I need to do or change?”

Finally, the time came when God allowed me to be in a relationship. However, all of it did not work out. The last relationship I had was the most painful. I deeply loved my ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, he told me that he fell out of love. I had no choice but to let him go. It was painful but I knew that God helped me sever that relationship. The relationship was doomed, to begin with. We were of a different faith. We were not equally yoked. Thus, God closed the door for us for He knew that I would not do anything to end our relationship. God is so good. Despite the pain of the breakup, it was indeed necessary. Sometimes we make our own storm but God being so good is always ready to rescue you. He saved me from the unseen misery that our relationship may bring. There were many times I prayed for our relationship to work but, my prayer was wrong. It was not His will. God must have said that enough is enough and I praise Him for that.

I was broken-hearted and cried out to God all my frustrations, sadness, and the pain of being rejected. I also cried because of His goodness towards me. He delivered me from such a relationship. God protected me from falling any deeper in love, which would equate to more hurt. God is good. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my decisions, yet I praise God for His tender mercies and compassion towards me. By disobeying God, I knew in my heart that I have had hurt Him, the One whose love for me is so profound.

It took me some time to move on. One day, I was in the mall with my friend. I saw many good-looking girls, with very nice figures, and all. When I went home, I talked to God and told Him about my insecurities. In my prayer, I said, “Lord, am I not good enough? Maybe my ex found someone better, prettier, taller, and sexier. Lord, am I ugly? I do not understand, Lord. You said that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But why do I feel so ugly? Why do people reject me?” I fell deep into incertitude, so I reached out to God because I could not bear such overwhelming low self-esteem.

You are very beautiful, very beautiful…”

The night after I prayed, I went to my friend’s home to record a song for our church service. Before heading to their home, we decided to get some treats. As soon as we finished our dessert, we checked out and went. We were halfway to my friend’s house when a guy was chasing us. He was rushing towards us and was calling me out with a loud voice, “Miss! Excuse me, Miss!” I was puzzled. Maybe I might have left some of my belongings in the shop, I thought. We halted and waited for him to catch up. When this guy reached us, he was gasping for air and said politely, “I just wanna tell you that you are very beautiful, very beautiful, he repeated. I was dumbfounded! I was caught off guard. I did not expect that to come out of his mouth. With all respect I replied, “thank you!” And he left just like that. My friend and I were left confused for some time and smiled. Then after a few moments, I remembered my prayer the other night and told my friend about it. I am convinced that that was God’s way of clearing my doubts. His way of encouraging me, through a stranger.

`Your feelings are not always the truth...`

It seemed like God used that person to tell me that I am not ugly. God assured me that I am very beautiful for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. What happened made me realize that God hears and answers our prayers. He also cares for our feelings. The book of Psalm 34:18 tells us that, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God comforted me with the words that I needed to hear. I could not believe that He used that person to tell me those words that would put an end to my doubts. God understands us more than ourselves. Months passed. I reflected on what the pastor said in his message, saying, “your feelings are not always the truth.” I remembered that incident when I was in despair, feeling dejected, and miserable about myself.

God is so patient in dealing with me. He chastised me and corrected me gently. He broadened my perspective. What God taught me about my experience were the following:

Time. God made me realize that there is time for everything. Getting into a relationship is not a race nor of ‘face-value’. Some may have married at a young age, in their thirties, forties, etc. But all are in God’s perfect timing. Allow God to set everything in place in His own time. Before, I used to get pressured because of my family and friends. But now, I have matured enough and learned that God’s timing is different from ours. If there are delays, there must be a reason and purpose behind them. We have to learn how to wait on the Lord and exercise on how to be patient.
Relationship. God blesses your relationship if it is according to His will. You will never be truly happy unless you choose God first, including your relationship. Also, we have to ask God if it is His will for you to be single or married.
Love. Love is a principle. It is not driven merely by attraction (physical appearance). It is not just a feeling. Love is about God. A speaker once said, “in a relationship, you must have God’s love in you and you should be ready to share that love with your partner.” We do not love on our own, we love because God first loved us. More importantly, God is love. We can only truly love if we know God.
God loves you. He loves you so much that He will not let you become miserable. He will save you and deliver you from anything that will eventually hurt you. Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He knows the future. He knows what would happen if I would continue that relationship.
Pray. In prayer, we have to surrender to God everything – our feelings, hurts, pain, happiness, relationships, career, family, plans, and our own will. The scripture tells us, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. (Provers 16:3). God loves to hear and answer our prayers. You may look into these beautiful verses– Psalm 116:1-2 and Psalm 66:19.
Our heart is deceitful. In my experience, I was feeling ugly, worthless, and unworthy to be loved. But, it is not always the TRUTH. Many Bible verses contradict such ‘feelings’ such as Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 139:14; John 3:16, Isaiah 43:4… Oh, so many words of love from God.7. Let God write your love story for you. After all, He is the best author.

I am not an expert on love. But, these are the testimonies and learnings that I could share with you and how God has been patient and good to me. There will be more reflections in our walk of life with our God.

Please allow me to share my love journey on how I found my way to my husband because I believe God has led me to him in a wonderful way. This story is about my search for the ‘right one’.

As I was growing up, I didn’t have big dreams like most kids do. Like some kids want to be a doctor, or a teacher, etc. My dream was very simple, I just want to have a happy family of my own. That definition of a happy family became clearer to me when I became an SDA. I was 20 years old at that time and just graduated from college. I had come to learn the biblical principles of marriage. That marriage is a sacred thing to God, and who I am going to marry is one of the most crucial decisions I will ever make in my life. And so I prayed, “Lord, I only have 2 goals in life now as a Christian. First, I want to be saved and go to heaven someday. Second, I want to get married at the age of 25 (that was the ideal age for me to marry), please lead me to the right person to marry, someone who loves You with all his heart.”

Time passed by in my Christian walk. I passed the age of 25 but I haven’t found the one. Somewhere along the way, I met this guy, they had a singing group that sang so well. Me and my siblings decided to join them since we love to sing too, and we love the songs they’re singing. After some time, this guy started to pursue me and I accepted him. We would always be invited to sing in churches near and far. But, time and again, I wonder why he would have to call it off simply because he is not in the mood to sing. Our singing ministry was affected since he was the lead singer and we cannot sing without him. Eventually, I found out the truth that he was into serious vices, really serious vices that cause his bipolar behaviour, constant mood swings, and a horrible temper. I was so surprised to know his condition thinking that he is a professed Christian and we are singing for God. But at the same time, I felt deep pity as he was like a lost sheep. So, I commissioned myself to play the part of his spiritual guardian. I set a goal in my heart that I would lead him back to God. Every midweek, vesper, and Sabbath I would encourage him to come to church with me. Every day I would call and pray for him. But oftentimes he would excuse himself. We continued our singing with the hope that the songs will inspire him to change. We scheduled practice several times a week to prevent him from going somewhere else and be with a bad company. Even if my workplace was really very far and I was so tired from work, I came all the way and wouldn’t miss practice because he wouldn’t be encouraged when I’m not around. But, the worst thing of all was to bear his terrible behaviour. He would be very angry when I checked on him. It would be an outrage. And worse, his words were unbearable. I even took him to a Christian psychologist with the hopes that he would change and be counselled. Yet, nothing happened.

One day, my mother confronted me and said that she sees my life would be miserable if I end up with this guy. I would always see her cry over the phone, telling her sister how worried she was of me. All my friends said the same thing. I knew they were right, they just wanted the best for me. But I couldn’t leave the guy. I was blinded by the strong emotions that he would change because he is an SDA. I thought to myself that I just have had to sacrifice a little more and wait a little more. It went on for quite some time until I realized, I had sacrificed so much of my time for him. So much pain and tears. I had prayed so hard and so much. I grew very tired of enduring everything! And, all my efforts would be in vain unless he surrenders himself to God, I couldn’t make him change. At that time, I cried my most sincere prayer to God, I said, “Lord, I’ve done my all for him, I think it’s time for me to move on with my life. Give me the courage to leave him. I know this is not the kind of man You want me to end up with. I’m praying for a real SDA man, not just by name, but a real godly man.”

Just a few days after that prayer, I received a call from my brother who was working here in Dubai at that time. He said, “why don’t you come here and try to find work. You will enjoy it here.” I told him, “no, I don’t have plans of going abroad. I am happy with my work in MAMC and I don’t want to leave home.” But then, a few weeks after that conversation, I started to have problems with my work in MAMC. Then, I suddenly thought of my brother’s invitation to come to Dubai. So, again I prayed to God, “Lord, if this is Your way of helping me out of my relationship with this guy, I am willing to go
there, even if it’s not in my plans to go abroad, I will go if that is Your will for me.” That was December when I resigned. Then in February, I came here. It was heartbreaking to leave everything behind. But you know, in that brokenheartedness, I never knew that God had prepared a wonderful surprise for me here in Dubai.

When I came here, the first thing that my brother told me was, “You came right in time, join me in giving Bible study to my friend Reggie”, –who is now my husband. God had brought me in this place because this is where I would meet the right man, the man that I would marry. And I believe that it was not a mere coincidence that my brother was giving him Bible study at that time. He was being prepared by God to grant me the godly man I was praying for. And true enough, he became a real SDA. Moreover, he’s kind, gentle, and good-looking. I was actually the one who invited him to come to church in the middle part of our Bible study because my brother was hesitant to invite him. And from that first Sabbath on, until now, he never missed a single Sabbath in church. Everything had been right and light, smooth, and sweet. No more drama, no more tears. My prayer had been granted. God gave me the desire of my heart because I prayed in full surrender that He knows what’s best for me. I just let Him lead my way. It was the right time with the right person.

I married at 31. Yes, the wait had been quite long, but the important thing is I married the right person who truly loves God. God has rescued and redeemed me from the possibility of lifelong misery. This experience serves as an eternal proof of how God truly loves me. He didn’t allow me to settle for the wrong person. He saved the best for me. Not that my husband is perfect, but the best match to teach me and fill me with what I need.

There are important things that I have learned from this experience that I want to share especially to the singles:

1.) God blesses a fully surrendered heart. Trust that God knows us better than we know ourselves, so let’s give everything to Him.

2.) Love with the right principles; true love is based on the right principles, not merely on feelings. It says in the Bible that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked”…so dare not trust your feelings. (Don’t believe with the saying “Follow your heart and you will never go wrong.” That’s not true)

3.) There is real power in prayer. Be bold with God and pour your heart to Him. He doesn’t always answer with what we expect but always with what is best. You’ll be surprised by what God can do.

4.) Listen to your parents, they love you and just want what’s best for you. It’s true, there’s power in a mother’s prayer. I’ve experienced that in my life.

5.) Choose a man who loves God more than anything or anyone, even you. Because, if a man loves God, everything will fall into place.

Finally, I want to leave a verse from the Bible which is in Proverbs 19:14. It says, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife [a good husband] is from the Lord”.
“Bahay at kayamanan ay minamana sa magulang, ngunit ang mabuting asawa ay galing sa Panginoon.”
To the singles who are longing for lifetime partners who is from God, just earnestly pray and surrender your heart to God, He will lead You to the right one. Make Jesus your friend, and He will make you a beautiful love story; a match made in heaven.

Category: Relationships

BEAUTIFUL IN GOD’S EYES