Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Out of 160 doctors of Doctors to the Barrios (DTTB) batch 36, who come from different places and universities of the Philippines, I was the only Seventh-day Adventist believer. My journey in undertaking Masters in Public Health degree at the University of the Philippines-Manila was not easy. There were always Saturday classes, and some subjects did not allow me to take special exams, quizzes, or laboratory activities. In fact, I struggled a lot and got worried several times. I know that I am not intelligent enough, and worse, I would miss my academic requirements.
Sabbath should be a peaceful day, yet during my postgraduate days, I had no peace. I was bothered because of Saturday classes. As a matter of fact, there had been many times that I got tempted to attend the said classes, which would mean polluting the Sabbath. In my mind, I was thinking, “Lord, if I would miss my classes and knowing that I am not intelligent, how could I catch up with my lessons and requirements? Should I attend the class instead?” In my confusion, God intervened. He gave me the courage and walked me to church to worship Him. I did not worry about missing the classes anymore. With due respect to my professors, I asked them permission not to attend the classes on Saturdays. And by God’s grace, I was excused. I stopped worrying. I find myself every Saturday morning busy preparing for church while my classmates were busy with the day’s activities.
Thank you, Pasay Adventist Church, for the warm welcome every time I attend Sabbath services. Who would have thought that an average student like me would be able to graduate from one of the most renowned and reputable universities in our country? Not to mention that I missed my classes on Saturdays! God is indeed merciful and generous to His people.
I want to thank my professors who permitted me to take special exams that were supposedly on Sabbath. Doctor Beng Mortel and Doctor Ants Cordero! I will never forget you all.
Thank you to my friends for letting me borrow your lecture notes that I missed during Sabbath.
To my Nanay (mother), who has dementia. I know that you are very proud of me. Thank you also to my siblings for the support and motivation. I love you all.
And above all else, I wanted to lift and glorify our Almighty Father. It is all because of God that I have come this far and achieved this milestone in my life. When I felt incompetent and was afraid of the possibility of failing, You assured me of your promise in Isaiah 41:13 that says, “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” Thank you, Lord! All praises and glory be to Your name.
It’s official.
For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”
There had been many instances in my life where I felt insecure. I want to share how God has helped me come to my senses—like literally, to make me understand and change my perspective on how I see myself.
I was an NBSB or No Boyfriend Since Birthfor more than twenty years. Throughout those years, I thought to myself, “what is wrong with me?” I ask myself and my friends, “Am I ugly? Am I not pretty enough to attract a guy?” What was more frustrating to me was when my friends and other people tell me these cliché lines:
“You are pretty, but why is it that you’re still single?”
“Maybe you are very picky?”
“You look so stern. Maybe they are intimidated by you. You have to smile always.”
“Maybe your standards are too high.”
“You look okay, you’re beautiful but why you’re still single, even those who are not that good-looking have boyfriends, why is it that you didn’t have?”
I understand that some of them were just curious. However, their comments add up to my insecurity and wonderment about not having a romantic relationship. Mostly I replied to those who asked me, “Maybe it is not yet time; it could be that they find me intimidating, for which reason I have no idea.”
I was insecure about my appearance. Maybe I was not good enough. Sometimes, I ask my closest friends what could be wrong with me? I also ask God, “What’s wrong with me, Lord? What do I need to do or change?”
Finally, the time came when God allowed me to be in a relationship. However, all of it did not work out. The last relationship I had was the most painful. I deeply loved my ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, he told me that he fell out of love. I had no choice but to let him go. It was painful but I knew that God helped me sever that relationship. The relationship was doomed, to begin with. We were of a different faith. We were not equally yoked. Thus, God closed the door for us for He knew that I would not do anything to end our relationship. God is so good. Despite the pain of the breakup, it was indeed necessary. Sometimes we make our own storm but God being so good is always ready to rescue you. He saved me from the unseen misery that our relationship may bring. There were many times I prayed for our relationship to work but, my prayer was wrong. It was not His will. God must have said that enough is enough and I praise Him for that.
I was broken-hearted and cried out to God all my frustrations, sadness, and the pain of being rejected. I also cried because of His goodness towards me. He delivered me from such a relationship. God protected me from falling any deeper in love, which would equate to more hurt. God is good. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my decisions, yet I praise God for His tender mercies and compassion towards me. By disobeying God, I knew in my heart that I have had hurt Him, the One whose love for me is so profound.
It took me some time to move on. One day, I was in the mall with my friend. I saw many good-looking girls, with very nice figures, and all. When I went home, I talked to God and told Him about my insecurities. In my prayer, I said, “Lord, am I not good enough? Maybe my ex found someone better, prettier, taller, and sexier. Lord, am I ugly? I do not understand, Lord. You said that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But why do I feel so ugly? Why do people reject me?” I fell deep into incertitude, so I reached out to God because I could not bear such overwhelming low self-esteem.
You are very beautiful, very beautiful…”
The night after I prayed, I went to my friend’s home to record a song for our church service. Before heading to their home, we decided to get some treats. As soon as we finished our dessert, we checked out and went. We were halfway to my friend’s house when a guy was chasing us. He was rushing towards us and was calling me out with a loud voice, “Miss! Excuse me, Miss!” I was puzzled. Maybe I might have left some of my belongings in the shop, I thought. We halted and waited for him to catch up. When this guy reached us, he was gasping for air and said politely,“Ijust wanna tell you that you are very beautiful, very beautiful, he repeated. I was dumbfounded! I was caught off guard. I did not expect that to come out of his mouth. With all respect I replied, “thank you!” And he left just like that. My friend and I were left confused for some time and smiled. Then after a few moments, I remembered my prayer the other night and told my friend about it. I am convinced that that was God’s way of clearing my doubts. His way of encouraging me, through a stranger.
Your feelings are not always the truth...
It seemed like God used that person to tell me that I am not ugly. God assured me that I am very beautiful for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. What happened made me realize that God hears and answers our prayers. He also cares for our feelings. The book of Psalm 34:18 tells us that, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God comforted me with the words that I needed to hear. I could not believe that He used that person to tell me those words that would put an end to my doubts. God understands us more than ourselves. Months passed. I reflected on what the pastor said in his message, saying, “your feelings are not always the truth.” I remembered that incident when I was in despair, feeling dejected, and miserable about myself.
God is so patient in dealing with me. He chastised me and corrected me gently. He broadened my perspective. What God taught me about my experience were the following:
Time. God made me realize that there is time for everything. Getting into a relationship is not a race nor of ‘face-value’. Some may have married at a young age, in their thirties, forties, etc. But all are in God’s perfect timing. Allow God to set everything in place in His own time. Before, I used to get pressured because of my family and friends. But now, I have matured enough and learned that God’s timing is different from ours. If there are delays, there must be a reason and purpose behind them. We have to learn how to wait on the Lord and exercise on how to be patient.
Relationship. God blesses your relationship if it is according to His will. You will never be truly happy unless you choose God first, including your relationship. Also, we have to ask God if it is His will for you to be single or married.
Love. Love is a principle. It is not driven merely by attraction (physical appearance). It is not just a feeling. Love is about God. A speaker once said, “in a relationship, you must have God’s love in you and you should be ready to share that love with your partner.” We do not love on our own, we love because God first loved us. More importantly, God is love. We can only truly love if we know God.
God loves you. He loves you so much that He will not let you become miserable. He will save you and deliver you from anything that will eventually hurt you. Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He knows the future. He knows what would happen if I would continue that relationship.
Pray. In prayer, we have to surrender to God everything – our feelings, hurts, pain, happiness, relationships, career, family, plans, and our own will. The scripture tells us, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. (Provers 16:3). God loves to hear and answer our prayers. You may look into these beautiful verses– Psalm 116:1-2 and Psalm 66:19.
Our heart is deceitful.In my experience, I was feeling ugly, worthless, and unworthy to be loved. But, it is not always the TRUTH. Many Bible verses contradict such ‘feelings’ such as Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 139:14; John 3:16, Isaiah 43:4… Oh, so many words of love from God.7. Let God write your love story for you. After all, He is the best author.
I am not an expert on love. But, these are the testimonies and learnings that I could share with you and how God has been patient and good to me. There will be more reflections in our walk of life with our God.
This year has never been easy for most of us. It may be one of the worst years in our lives. Nevertheless, we have to be thankful that despite our hardships, our silent battles, our unspoken pains, the tears shed in secret, God was there all along.
Many of us were (and still are) infected and affected with COVID-19. Some lost their loved ones. Some lost their businesses, their jobs, and even their homes. We can lose everything we possess, but we cannot afford to lose sight of God. Let’s remember that the Lord gives and takes away (Job 1:21). Whatever it is that God has taken away from you, always know and remind yourself that God never makes mistakes and He loves you so dearly.
When things don’t go our way, our human nature gets us feeling confused, dishearted, and discouraged about what is happening in our lives, especially when we don’t see God’s plan for us. And when things seem to fall apart, and when we don’t meet our goals. When life looks pitch-black to you, perhaps you are focusing on your problems. Focus your eyes on Jesus, instead. This line from a song reminds me to always look upon Jesus:
O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see? There’s light for a look at the Savior And life more abundant and free
Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in His wonderful face And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace
Those lines uplift my spirit. I tried to recall and reflect on this year’s events. I realized that this year is not all that bad. I counted my problems, and as expected, God helped me make it through. My blessings were (and are!) numerous compared to my so-called “problems.” And these trials are even blessings. Perhaps we can say that we don’t have problems as it is considered a ‘blessing.’ Oh well… Maybe we need to change how we see things.
What are the good things that God gave you this year? What lessons did you learn? Let’s start with our very life. The fact that we’re still breathing is a blessing. A lot of pestilence and tribulations happened this year. But, here we are, we made it through! And that is worth saying “THANK YOU, LORD!”. We ought to praise our Lord God Almighty who made us come this far, the One who keeps us from falling (Jude 24:24), the One who sustains us, and the One who loves us the most.
The future is uncertain. We don’t know if next year will be better or worse. But with God, we have confidence that no matter how hard life may be, God will take care of us. He will hold us with His mighty hands. You have made it this far. And, definitely, you can weather any storm that may come. You can face tomorrow because God is with you.
I AM WITH YOU 