Tag: Personal Reflection

breakup, Christian Walk, Faith, Friendship, God, heartache, moving on, Reflections, Relationships, Testimony, True Story, Uncategorized

BEAUTIFUL IN GOD’S EYES

rebekahhime

There had been many instances in my life where I felt insecure. I want to share how God has helped me come to my senses—like literally, to make me understand and change my perspective on how I see myself.

I was an NBSB or No Boyfriend Since Birth for more than twenty years. Throughout those years, I thought to myself, “what is wrong with me?” I ask myself and my friends, “Am I ugly? Am I not pretty enough to attract a guy?” What was more frustrating to me was when my friends and other people tell me these cliché lines:

“You are pretty, but why is it that you’re still single?”
“Maybe you are very picky?”
“You look so stern. Maybe they are intimidated by you. You have to smile always.”
“Maybe your standards are too high.” 
“You look okay, you’re beautiful but why you’re still single, even those who are not that good-looking have boyfriends, why is it that you didn’t have?”

I understand that some of them were just curious. However, their comments add up to my insecurity and wonderment about not having a romantic relationship. Mostly I replied to those who asked me, “Maybe it is not yet time; it could be that they find me intimidating, for which reason I have no idea.”

I was insecure about my appearance. Maybe I was not good enough. Sometimes, I ask my closest friends what could be wrong with me? I also ask God, “What’s wrong with me, Lord? What do I need to do or change?”

Finally, the time came when God allowed me to be in a relationship. However, all of it did not work out. The last relationship I had was the most painful. I deeply loved my ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, he told me that he fell out of love. I had no choice but to let him go. It was painful but I knew that God helped me sever that relationship. The relationship was doomed, to begin with. We were of a different faith. We were not equally yoked. Thus, God closed the door for us for He knew that I would not do anything to end our relationship. God is so good. Despite the pain of the breakup, it was indeed necessary. Sometimes we make our own storm but God being so good is always ready to rescue you. He saved me from the unseen misery that our relationship may bring. There were many times I prayed for our relationship to work but, my prayer was wrong. It was not His will. God must have said that enough is enough and I praise Him for that.

I was broken-hearted and cried out to God all my frustrations, sadness, and the pain of being rejected. I also cried because of His goodness towards me. He delivered me from such a relationship. God protected me from falling any deeper in love, which would equate to more hurt. God is good. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my decisions, yet I praise God for His tender mercies and compassion towards me. By disobeying God, I knew in my heart that I have had hurt Him, the One whose love for me is so profound.

It took me some time to move on. One day, I was in the mall with my friend. I saw many good-looking girls, with very nice figures, and all. When I went home, I talked to God and told Him about my insecurities. In my prayer, I said, “Lord, am I not good enough? Maybe my ex found someone better, prettier, taller, and sexier. Lord, am I ugly? I do not understand, Lord. You said that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But why do I feel so ugly? Why do people reject me?” I fell deep into incertitude, so I reached out to God because I could not bear such overwhelming low self-esteem.

You are very beautiful, very beautiful…”

The night after I prayed, I went to my friend’s home to record a song for our church service. Before heading to their home, we decided to get some treats. As soon as we finished our dessert, we checked out and went. We were halfway to my friend’s house when a guy was chasing us. He was rushing towards us and was calling me out with a loud voice, “Miss! Excuse me, Miss!” I was puzzled. Maybe I might have left some of my belongings in the shop, I thought. We halted and waited for him to catch up. When this guy reached us, he was gasping for air and said politely, “I just wanna tell you that you are very beautiful, very beautiful, he repeated. I was dumbfounded! I was caught off guard. I did not expect that to come out of his mouth. With all respect I replied, “thank you!” And he left just like that. My friend and I were left confused for some time and smiled. Then after a few moments, I remembered my prayer the other night and told my friend about it. I am convinced that that was God’s way of clearing my doubts. His way of encouraging me, through a stranger.

Your feelings are not always the truth...

It seemed like God used that person to tell me that I am not ugly. God assured me that I am very beautiful for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. What happened made me realize that God hears and answers our prayers. He also cares for our feelings. The book of Psalm 34:18 tells us that, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God comforted me with the words that I needed to hear. I could not believe that He used that person to tell me those words that would put an end to my doubts. God understands us more than ourselves. Months passed. I reflected on what the pastor said in his message, saying, “your feelings are not always the truth.” I remembered that incident when I was in despair, feeling dejected, and miserable about myself.

God is so patient in dealing with me. He chastised me and corrected me gently. He broadened my perspective. What God taught me about my experience were the following:

  • Time. God made me realize that there is time for everything. Getting into a relationship is not a race nor of ‘face-value’. Some may have married at a young age, in their thirties, forties, etc. But all are in God’s perfect timing. Allow God to set everything in place in His own time. Before, I used to get pressured because of my family and friends. But now, I have matured enough and learned that God’s timing is different from ours. If there are delays, there must be a reason and purpose behind them. We have to learn how to wait on the Lord and exercise on how to be patient.
  • Relationship. God blesses your relationship if it is according to His will. You will never be truly happy unless you choose God first, including your relationship. Also, we have to ask God if it is His will for you to be single or married.
  • Love. Love is a principle. It is not driven merely by attraction (physical appearance). It is not just a feeling. Love is about God. A speaker once said, “in a relationship, you must have God’s love in you and you should be ready to share that love with your partner.” We do not love on our own, we love because God first loved us. More importantly, God is love. We can only truly love if we know God.
  • God loves you. He loves you so much that He will not let you become miserable. He will save you and deliver you from anything that will eventually hurt you. Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He knows the future. He knows what would happen if I would continue that relationship.
  • Pray. In prayer, we have to surrender to God everything – our feelings, hurts, pain, happiness, relationships, career, family, plans, and our own will. The scripture tells us, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. (Provers 16:3). God loves to hear and answer our prayers. You may look into these beautiful verses– Psalm 116:1-2 and Psalm 66:19.
  • Our heart is deceitful. In my experience, I was feeling ugly, worthless, and unworthy to be loved. But, it is not always the TRUTH. Many Bible verses contradict such ‘feelings’ such as Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 139:14; John 3:16, Isaiah 43:4… Oh, so many words of love from God.7. Let God write your love story for you. After all, He is the best author.

I am not an expert on love. But, these are the testimonies and learnings that I could share with you and how God has been patient and good to me. There will be more reflections in our walk of life with our God.

author

Christian Walk, Faith, God, Reflections

You Can Face Tomorrow

rebekahhime

This year has never been easy for most of us. It may be one of the worst years in our lives. Nevertheless, we have to be thankful that despite our hardships, our silent battles, our unspoken pains, the tears shed in secret, God was there all along.

Many of us were (and still are) infected and affected with COVID-19. Some lost their loved ones. Some lost their businesses, their jobs, and even their homes. We can lose everything we possess, but we cannot afford to lose sight of God. Let’s remember that the Lord gives and takes away (Job 1:21). Whatever it is that God has taken away from you, always know and remind yourself that God never makes mistakes and He loves you so dearly.

When things don’t go our way, our human nature gets us feeling confused, dishearted, and discouraged about what is happening in our lives, especially when we don’t see God’s plan for us. And when things seem to fall apart, and when we don’t meet our goals. When life looks pitch-black to you, perhaps you are focusing on your problems. Focus your eyes on Jesus, instead. This line from a song reminds me to always look upon Jesus:

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior
And life more abundant and free

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

Those lines uplift my spirit. I tried to recall and reflect on this year’s events. I realized that this year is not all that bad. I counted my problems, and as expected, God helped me make it through. My blessings were (and are!) numerous compared to my so-called “problems.” And these trials are even blessings. Perhaps we can say that we don’t have problems as it is considered a ‘blessing.’ Oh well… Maybe we need to change how we see things.

What are the good things that God gave you this year? What lessons did you learn? Let’s start with our very life. The fact that we’re still breathing is a blessing. A lot of pestilence and tribulations happened this year. But, here we are, we made it through! And that is worth saying “THANK YOU, LORD!”. We ought to praise our Lord God Almighty who made us come this far, the One who keeps us from falling (Jude 24:24), the One who sustains us, and the One who loves us the most.

The future is uncertain. We don’t know if next year will be better or worse. But with God, we have confidence that no matter how hard life may be, God will take care of us. He will hold us with His mighty hands. You have made it this far. And, definitely, you can weather any storm that may come. You can face tomorrow because God is with you.

Faith, God, Reflections

Brighter than the Sun

rebekahhime

As I gaze upon the sky, I marveled at God’s creation. God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also (Genesis 1:16).

The beauty of these creations never cease to make me feel in awe. Creations that remind me of hope. Indeed, God’s expression of love is found everywhere. When we get tired of the day’s toiling, God designed the sun to set. We have a caring God that promises us a peaceful rest. Isn’t He amazing? The moonlight that the moon reflects is like God’s light during our darkest nights. He promised us that though weeping may endure for a night, joy cometh in the morning (Psalm 30:5). And of course, at nighttime, we love to stare at the night sky. What do the stars say about God? For me, the uncountable stars are like His uncountable thoughts and blessings towards us. And when mornings come, God renews our strength. As the sun rises, it is a gentle declaration of God’s love which grows sweeter every single day and His protection (Psalm 84:11) that He bestows to His people. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun (Ecclesiastes 11:7).

Whatever form of light we see in the sky, these lights cannot compare to the light that Jesus radiates. If these creations give light in our sky, how much more our Creator? In the new Jerusalem that the Lord God will create, there will be no more night. There will be no need for candles nor the light of the sun, for the Lord God giveth them light. and they shall reign forever (Revelation 22:5). No longer will the sun be your light by day, and the brightness of the moon will not shine on you; for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your splendor (Isaiah 60:19). Jesus Christ is the bright and morning star (Revelation 22:16). His glory outshines any form of light for He is brighter than the sun.